Word of the Year 2014 - A Final Examination and More Honorable Adieu to Examining My Unexamined Life

I slammed my beloved blog closed on my 60th birthday.  No graceful departure.  Apparently, I gave no real warnings to my readership.  Surprisingly, I heard about it from some family and friends and people I only knew through the blog.   I didn’t realize anyone still read it! I thought it had run its course as all things in life seem to do.  Unless, we are of the mindset to fight change and make ourselves miserable. Some of us do that you know. Hang on for dear life to things that aren’t meant for us, serving us well, or simple ignorance in knowing maybe there is something more, meant for us.  I lived like that once upon a time.  More recently though, any examining, as well as writing, screeched to halt.  It wasn’t deliberate.  In the midst of several life altering events, there wasn’t enough time, or maybe, it just wasn’t important to me anymore.  I was blessed to finally move forward, literally and figuratively.  I might have even been enjoying the severing of a few ties that had wrapped their tentacles first around my heart, and later wound up around my neck. Being where I was, seemed to be choking the life out of me. When I got out of examining my head (and  left Dodge), I felt like I could breathe without the searing pain of remembrance and too much stress. The only thing I was planning on writing on any agenda, if I had to have one,  was the word, enjoy.  That’s how I wanted to live now.  In Joy.  My idea of a perfect day was to gaze into the moment, cross-legged, inhaling the healing breaths of gratitude, feeling them seep into my weathered spirit.

On some level entering a new decade of life AND changing residences, I might have even unconsciously wanted to break free from anything (my blog)  that could tie me down or put me in a vulnerable place again.  Good grief, my blog opened me up wide.  And once I started, I couldn't stop.  While it turned on the lights to connection and authenticity, it also laid the groundwork for rejection and judgement. I had placed myself into a position,  more vulnerable than I ever have been. With anyone. Ever. And, through it all, writing the words; cracking the code on what made me tick,  I grew and I healed.  

So, how dare I not honorably acknowledge the end to my tiny, insignificant musings into cyber space.  If nothing else I thought later, it provided at no cost, (except for my own embarrassment)  an avenue for free therapy.  Spewing my insecurities and dysfunction into words rather than private thoughts,  was highly cathartic and gently ushered in clarity.   A surprising off shoot  was some new, like-minded friends, who were grateful they weren’t alone in their perceived flaws, and found a voice through mine. There are few things better in this life than intimacy….of the soul.  The kind that makes you realize it is safe to be who you are because we really are all alike and connected. 

Another gift, was my miraculous and growing awareness to some of the secrets to living well, while in this body, on this earth.  I made it a mission through prayer, quiet time, and my words, to learn (often relearn)  some of those lessons I have now come to realize are just a part of my life plan.  Aka: God’s Will.  I learned how to listen.  I learned how to be alone.   I learned what doesn’t kill you, sure does make you stronger, but it doesn't need to make you meaner.   I learned how to love myself without expecting outside reinforcement in order to feel loved.  I discovered how worthy I am, always.  I learned how to accept, not always graciously, that whatever happens, happens;  and it is up to me how I choose to process it.   Most of all I learned that so many of the gifts I have been seeking, rest in my own little hands.  I choose my happiness.   I am in charge of CREATING the life I want to live.  

So, it just seemed natural to make my word for 2014, CREATE.  

My ah ha moment arrived with a sweet little silver turtle I received this Christmas as a gift.  On it’s back, in a rainbow of colors, were the words, Enjoy the Journey. Contained in the simplicity of this message, was a big discovery.  It has been a journey.  My blog. My life.  Even in the darkest hours when I couldn’t see any purpose or joy, the journey was still progressing.  It was still there, extending the hand of love and understanding.  True, sometimes it seemed halted,  slowed and hidden by the clouds.   But,  those were often of my own making.  I chose to wear the shroud that kept me trapped in grief, loss, fear, and lack, rather than remembering the things that were treasured and holy.   When I began to understand this, when I knew I was the force behind continuing misery, I was then able to move on, further into the mysteries of God’s will for my life.  

In 2011 my word of the year was BLOSSOM.  I did.  I worked hard at discovering my unique talents, my purpose - through meditation, prayer, and connecting with my Higher Power. I invested time in me and in Him. He showed me how to move through the clouds by always remembering the sun.  It's still there, even if it isn't shining.   In 2012 my word of the year was FREEDOM.  Once we know who we are and love ourselves, we are free.  Others opinions, words, and approval is not important. I set myself free that year.  In 2013 my word of the year was FEARLESS.  I have always been a bit of a risk-taker.  This year I was fearless;  moving out into the world as an authentic me, taking charge of my life, asking for what I needed and wanted, opening myself up honestly, and actively pursuing what was good for me.    How perfect then is the word of the year for 2014 to have bubbled up as, CREATE.  It’s just another exciting project on my journey.  I am responsible for CREATING the life I want to see and live.  I am responsible for my happiness, success, and peace of mind.  What a beautiful word for 2014 and to end this blog with.  CREATE.   I can almost hear all of those who love me; the living and those in heaven, breathing a sigh of relief and whispering, “I think she gets it.”   

Thank you dear Examining Blog for guiding my awakening life,  and handing me the keys to enjoying my journey.   Happy New Year.  Happy New Life! 

P.S.   Oh, yes, I am forgetting the most important reward of this little blog.  It appears I am no longer ruled by the opinions, motives, likes, comments, shares and approvals  in order to know that I am really a writer. A damn good one.  (Well, a little honesty here… I do believe this.   Most days.) I know it is a gift that I am called  to share with others. The only voice I keep tuned into now,  is the One within. The only like I need is the contented feeling that burns in my heart,  knowing it's my best. For today.     With that being said, I think I just might start a new blog someday.  I will call it- Too Soon Old... Too Late Smart. 

My Word of the Year for 2013

Fearless.........

Merriam Webster defines fearless as --- bold, brave, dauntless, intrepid, and courageous.  This is my word for 2013.  The last few years  I've gotten rid of the long list of resolutions and searched inward instead, spending some time in reflection, prayer, and meditation to find the right word for the new year. A special mantra of sorts.   A word to focus on throughout the year.  One that will help me in my journey to continue to unearth the best me, and reveal the contributions I was put on this earth to make. Last year, my word was Freedom. It served me well.  At first, I attached all these expectations to my 2012 word.... Free from my rut, free from “this place”; this house, this city, boredom.... It was all going to happen for me in 2012.  I thought my word failed me.  Here I was, stuck in  some mind-numbing sameness.  I was sure it would turn me into a vegetable.   Then, near the end of the year a series of emotional setbacks, sickness, and a few evil deeds called upon my emotional IQ, and forced me to rethink how well last year’s word really worked for me.  Did it ever!  Freedom arrived over the course of the year in more powerful ways than I ever anticipated.  I am free.  More than I've ever been.  Especially from my past and many negative beliefs that kept me stuck for so long.  I was able to recognize them (first) and then release them as useless tools for living.  I’ve been unshackled from my own perceived limitations and fears... of failing, of being rejected, of being hurt, of being alone, of destitution, and any other Armageddon my mind has used in its attempts to annihilate what it perceived to be an "uppityness" of my own confidence and self-worth through the years.   I finally stared down that lifetime of lies and found them to be  not quite so scary when held up to this Holy Light, I discovered within.  Freedom.  Unearthing all of this has been quite a process too, aided and abetted by a number of angels that I now know have been watching out for me, all along. (Forgive me, my beloveds for thinking otherwise)  Those stories I told myself....blatant untruths.  I am none of those things.  I am not limited. And, I am never, ever, alone.. ever.   Now, I AM free.  Free to live my own choices, create my own destiny.  Free to stay, or free to go.  Free to forgive and experience joy, or free to stay stuck in the past and ruminate myself into misery. Now, it appeared, all I needed was some courage and faith. 

Fearless.  

My word for 2013 arrived through some serious meditation, prayer, mindfulness, and  series of serendipities... messages through others, dreams, and other forms of communication that appeared out of nowhere. That’s the way it always seems to happen for me, sealing the word with plenty of blatant signs. The word fearless appeared everywhere. 

Someone dear to me, made a good argument that the presence of a little fear in our lives can also be prudent.  An intuitive built in protection so we don’t walk right into dangerous situations that can be harmful to our being.  That is not the kind of FEARLESSNESS I am referring to.  If I survived the year, by its end, my epitaph might read, FOOLISH instead.   I am talking about the kind of fearlessness that fuels us in fighting for the things we believe strongly in. Fearless in the ability to walk away from dysfunction even when you love someone.  Fearless in showing others who you really are.   Fearless in making changes you know need to be made, letting go and trusting the future is in the hands of our Creator.   Fearless in admitting you can’t do it anymore, and you certainly can’t do it on your own.  Fearless in pursuing the unknown, simply for pleasure of growing and learning something new.   Fearlessly falling in love again, cutting everyone some slack, focusing less on the fact you could be hurt, knowing love truly is still worth it, over and over again.   Most of all, living spiritually fearless, following a path that leads deeper and deeper into the heart of God, unlimited abundance, and joy.   It’s so much easier to be fearless when you have that much faith.  

     

Just to seal my intention after the first of year, the Universe sent me another indicator I was on the right track.  I got an Amazon book suggestion for a book written by Anita Moorjani a young women who was considered by medical professionals to be on her death bed with end stage cancer.  Her book, Dying to Be Me,  details her personal near death experience after she came out of her coma, completely cured and ready to fearlessly tell her story.  When asked what the most powerful message was she learned “on the other side” she said,(paraphrased) “Live life fearlessly... Most of all enjoy life. Most of us live in fear; a combination of fear and lack of self-love and so our lives are spent without enjoyment.  The best lesson is do what brings you joy and do what feels fun for you.  Be yourself. Allow yourself to be who you are.  Get in touch with your feelings.  Most of us are so caught up in doing...  these swirling thoughts of how do I get there from here and all those steps involved.  Instead, ask yourself, every day of your life, with all that arises, how do I feel about this? Don’t ask,  how do I do this, or what steps do I need to take to get there.  Ask, how do I feel?  Let the natural expression of you come through.  Is the answer positive or negative?  If there are more negatives than positives, then you are not following your true heart, being yourself and living fearlessly." 

It’s just that simple.  Fearless in 2013!