An Angel Sent from Above

Sixteen years old!  A milestone birthday which warranted a special letter to my sweet, sweet oldest grand-daughter.

My dearest Alex,                                  August 4, 2016

There is an old song that keeps running through my head on this special day.  It goes something like this:

Where are you going, my little one, little one

Where are you going, my baby, my own?

Turn around and you're two, turn around and you're four

Turn around and you're a young girl going out of my door.

I’m  sure Mom and Dad are deeply feeling this too!  The time has ticked by so quickly.  So many precious moments began on August 4, 2000.   Those moments have been like little pebbles guiding me out of a forrest of grief onto a path of gratitude and joy.

Actually,  it began even before that.  I’ve told you, there is no doubt in my mind, you were my angel sent from God to breathe life back into me after Mark died.  The anticipation of your birth gave me hope and filled the days before with a sense of purpose. There was absolutely nothing more important than your safe arrival into our family.   I watched as Mom and Dad created the perfect nursery for you; freshly painted with the best in baby couture, the John Lennon Collection - only the best for our baby.  I sat with mom every day when she was on bed rest to keep you safe, preparing lunch for her and watching endless episodes of A Baby Story. Seeing all those television babies being born just heightened our own anticipation.  My every day ritual was to climb the steps to your  beautiful new room and pray to a God who had shaken my faith in Him and the fairness of life.  I pleaded for Him to take good care of your mom and bring you safe and healthy into this world.  And, then you arrived...many laborious hours later.  I don’t think you were  anxious to be a part of this world because you sure took your time making your grand entrance.  I can't say I blame you.  Heaven must have been, well, heavenly.  Perfection.  However, God knew you had more than one mission to fulfill here. When you did arrive, we all passed you around, laying kisses on your soft angel face,  I know you sensed from hour one you were immensely loved and would be all the days of your life.  

The times I was lucky enough to be called to “babysit” (aka: healing ceremonies)   As soon as Mom and Dad walked out the door I would sweep you into my arms. You would nuzzle up to my neck, your tiny fuzzy head next to my chin, and I would breathe in your fresh new baby scents.  With every inhalation, I felt my heart open up a little bit more; a torrent of love gushed in and freshened its battered old chambers. I whispered sweet every-things into your tiny ears, thanking you and God for the privilege of being your Mimi, promising you that I would always be there for you and love you forever and beyond: reciting stories and sealing them with kisses of the wonderful life you would have, filled with the kind of love that would always keep you safe while allowing you  the freedom to be your own person. Uniquely, incredible, hand crafted you; formed of the same elements of the stars, in the image of the One who created all.   I told you how blessed you were to be born a girl at a time that you could dare to dream and try, fail and succeed, and find your own path, all the while being unconditionally protected and tucked under the arms of your earthly parents and your heavenly one as well.  I poured all of those wishes onto your tiny head like a baptism of sorts sealing your future with a God that I was beginning to know again. Wise sages have said that children are so fresh from heaven, they can heal your soul.  Alex, you gave me back my life and put the light back into my eyes. 

Everyday since your birth, I thank God for you, your sisters, your mom and dad, and all of our family.  We are so blessed to have so much love in our lives and I never want to take that for granted.  I hope you will always remember that too.  Joy is our birthright, but it is also a great privilege and must be fertilized with our gratitude in order to experience its fullness.  

I have watched you walk through  things in this life that I  wished I could have protected you from.  Hand surgeries.  Elementary school bullies.  Disappointments.  The amazing thing is, you always come out the other side stronger and a better person.  Your empathy, acceptance and understanding of your friends and others is mature beyond your years.  Your kind heart reaches out and forgives, touches, and softens people. I’ve been witness to that. I have always been amazed at your honesty for one so young.  That is a rare quality these days, and at times it may not seem to serve you well, but it will always pay off in the long run if for no other reason, it will bring you peace of mind.  I am delighted by your curiosity of life.  A thirst for knowledge and open-mindedness are two of the best qualities a person can have. Keep reading.  With only 33% of the population reading a book a year, it’s sure to give you a bit of an edge in life.  The old saying, “knowledge is power”  is so true.  Knowledge slays fear and will help you to grow, step outside of your comfort zone, and find your purpose.  I just know you will do great things with this precious life you have been given.  When your heart gets skinned up, and it will, because that is part of this wonderful life,  I will be there, extending the healing salve of love and kisses, helping you to remember your resilience and promising you that you will believe in love, and goodness, and find your joy again.  Just like you did for me, 16 years ago. 

Happy 16th Birthday my sweet girl!  I will love you for all eternity.  

Show me how big your brave is...Sara Bareilles

Happy Birthday to the new teenager in my life!  I’m loving it, but then again, I’m her grandma and can sit back and enjoy the evolution from a biased distance. Now, Mom and Dad --- hang on to your patience, understanding and most of all, your hearts.  She’s sure to unintentionally smash all three to smithereens over the next several years.  Alex, my oldest grand-daughter, turns 13 on Sunday, August 4th.  Born in 2000, this little girl entered the highly anticipated new millennium, a little angel of hope and healing.  The previous year had been a devastating one for the family.  While all of my grandchildren are my most precious gifts, when she came along, the first born, smelling fresh of heaven and God, this tiny person gave me a reason to keep moving forward at a time when I just wanted to lie down and stop breathing.  I’ve watched her grow from an innocent, trusting, happy little spirit, into a young lady, trying in the last year or so, to break open the lipstick as well as the door to adulthood.  Why do they want to grow up so fast?  I know I did too.  I couldn’t wait to be out on my own, away from the control of what I perceived to be rigid rules, only to discover the world had even harder core rules.... and much bigger consequences. When I broke them, the landing wasn’t nearly as gentle as when I was protected by the security of home and family.  I know that’s just a part of the process of growing up, and she will navigate it in her own way.  The only thing I hope to continuously tattoo on the brain of this precious little teen, is the message that no matter what happens in her life, we love her unconditionally and the biggest gift she can give back to the world is to be herself... the uniquely lovely person God made her to be.  And, that is going to take a lifetime of sometimes being very, very, brave. 

Curious Seven

In early years, she was the most spiritual little girl I’d ever seen, praying for others, (even me) comforting and supporting her friends, and so in tune with her faith.  Kind and giving, she learned an important lesson a few years back-  not everyone will reciprocate, nor should everyone be entrusted with your friendship.  Some sadly have their own “stuff” going on and don’t walk the faith they espouse. She also learned in a matter of a year or so, that sometimes death snatches precious people from our lives.   I thought she was a little young to have to learn these harsh lessons, but she grew from them in ways that amazed me.  Crushed for a time, she’s emerged with wisdom and a sense of self-worth and awareness..... she never has to put up with or succumb to the meanness of life’s bullies simply to have friends.  Happily, it didn’t damage the part of her spirit that recognizes the need to still be kind, give back to others, and put her best foot forward while also honoring her values.   

 She was also a highly curious little girl, interested in some rather strange topics for one so small.   She loved history, was enthralled with King Tut and made me promise to take her to Egypt someday.  She would ponder for hours whether the Kennedy assassination was a plot and the fated Titanic and Amelia Earhart  became obsessions for awhile.  She still delves deeply for answers to life’s questions.  But, then the apple doesn’t fall far from her grandmother’s tree!    A bookworm, she reads endlessly, and completed the entire Hunger Games series in less than two weeks. Obsessed with quotes, she reads them to me from her I-pod Touch with the intensity of Socrates, instructing from the podium, stretched out, on the living room sofa.  The human mind and people’s behavior seems to  fascinate her, and she wants to learn so that she can empathise and understand her friends and others.  

A flair for creativity, and fashion, she can put together an outfit and/or a bedroom with style.   She is at an age, where fitting in is still important, but every now and then, I see that inner trendsetter fairy, run a little wild, as she dons a cute, little polka dot dress with a flared skirt reflective of a 50’s dance party.  This is usually worn when she isn’t hanging with her friends- rather to a family wedding reception.   With friends, you will generally find her in a traditional Aeropostle tee shirt, and jean shorts.  She’s intensely loyal and looks for the better qualities in her friends and peers.  

Beautifully 13

But, at thirteen, she can also be as moody as Ohio weather.  She is not fond of mornings, fights like cats and dogs with her younger sisters, and will hideout for hours listening to her music and perusing Instagram.  The sign on her bedroom door - DO NOT DISTURB wards off the family when she’s craving solitude.  After a time she rises from the teenage Jekyll/Hyde syndrome and you begin to question whether an alien had taken the real Alex away and has now returned her to earth space again.  She opens her door to a bedroom organized to perfection, hands out smiles and hugs, cheerfully shares more quotes found online, and even surprised her dad with an uncannily adult letter to him. Just when her parents wonder if she hears anything they try to teach, she let him know how much she admires him, his parenting, and thanked him for his love, boundaries, discipline, and direction. What a gift! 

She was my angel come to earth 13 years ago, and now she is my mentor and teacher of all things technology, introducing me to Facetime, showing me how to open an account on a social media site, and navigate some of the newer apps on my phone. She’s my go- to grand-daughter for profound discussions about the philosophy, lessons, and hidden meanings of all the Pixar and Disney movies.  She hates liars, DRAMA (in all caps as in melodrama), Math, spaghetti, bugs, button-eyed dolls, and bullies. She loves God, family, her friends, Cleveland Indians games, scarves, all things Paris, zebra print, fancy nail polish and painted toes, basketball,  music, relaxation, organizing, books, and movies.   Her new favorite song is Brave by Sara Bareilles and she sings it so powerfully with her naturally pure voice; like a prayer and  a promise.... to herself, her parents, and the world. Everytime I see her step out of her comfort zone and walk through a fear, her little light shines brighter piercing through the shroud of conformity.  She emerges with a few more badges of confidence, and a greater sense of who she is. The butterfly is emerging and what a joy for this Mimi to witness. 

This incredible  young lady stole my heart at birth, and now, I have been privileged to hang out with HER beautiful heart for the last 13 years.  A bear hug last night and a whisper in my ear.... out of earshot of her friends..."I love you SO much Mimi"  will likely tide me over until she's 14, but I know she won't make me wait that long.  Happy Birthday my little teenager! Make a wish... or make 13 of them!   May you always remember to show the world, as you have shown me, how big your brave is!  

You can be amazing

You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug

You can be the outcast

Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love

Or you can start speaking up

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do

When they settle ‘neath your skin

Kept on the inside and no sunlight

Sometimes a shadow wins

But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say

And let the words fall out

Honestly I wanna see you be brave- Sara Bareilles