Sunday, January 15, 2012

Self Worth comes from one thing... thinking you are worthy - Dr. Wayne Dyer

In a conversation recently with one of  my young friends who I love dearly, (and admire), the topic of self-worth arose.  She surprised me when she said, “Someone asked me one time, don’t you think you’re worth more than that?”  She said her response was one of genuine bewilderment when she answered her friend,  “Worth more?  What’s that mean?”  While I could totally relate to her sentiments, I was incredibly sad to witness the ravages of a childhood and young adulthood, similar to my own.  One in which you have no examples, direction, or tools to understand or cultivate the knowledge that you are deserving. Neither one of us learned all we had to do is claim it,  and stop settling for sloppy seconds, better than nothings, and others judgements and opinions of us.  
 I had no idea what it meant to honor my intuition, feelings, and respect myself enough to act and speak in accordance with my reality. I was too afraid, driven by what everyone else thought of me.  How you defined me, and what you said to me was more important than what I knew to be the truth. I looked into your eyes, and went to your well to quench my thirst for approval and worthiness. If you told me I would never amount to anything, I believed you.  If you told me I wasn’t the prettiest or the smartest, I believed that too. If you said, my talent was mediocre, or my work wasn’t good enough, I bought into that as well.  It held me hostage. I often hung onto things that were dishonorable for me in my attempts to get you to change your mind about me and gain your approval. Or, worst of all, I settled, because some demon inside told me this was all there was, and it was better than nothing. That demon had plenty of space to move around in because there was nothing in me to contradict it.  Oh, occasionally, others compliments fell into the hole and filled me up for a short while, but the demon inside was bigger and a real bully.    As a result, my life was a series of choices made from a place of fear and lack rather than faith and abundance. It's just a Universal Law; when we make choices out of fear, we attract more of it into our lives.  The Law of Attraction doesn’t attract what we want, it attracts to us, what we are.  If we live full of fear we attract that and many of its cousins; neediness, anxiety, loss of identity, dishonesty, and dependance. 

I don’t think we’re born this way.  I think we all enter the world with this tiny seed of confidence, wisdom, knowing our own unique greatness.  Somehow, that gets siphoned off early on,  from others who have nothing inside either, and need your light. So, when do you know you’ve  crossed the line and moved to the wrong side of the tracks?  When your needs are not being met and your soul is crying out for acknowledgment.  When you’re not content with the arrangement, job, treatment, or relationship as it is. When you walk around feeling like your whole life is a lie and it becomes unbearable to live that way any longer. When you find you’re making excuses to yourself and others, doing things you don’t feel comfortable doing, fitting into spaces that aren't your size.  When you are unable to speak up honestly about how you think and feel, you are probably operating from a place of fear.  People with self-worth won’t live there... at least not for long.  It just doesn’t contribute to our authenticity and actions that help us to engage our Higher selves. It doesn’t cultivate peace or any real joy in our lives.  
So, how do we begin to nurture ourselves and cultivate the kind of self-worth that enables us to plant our own gardens, and decorate our own souls, {Veronica Shoffstall- Comes the Dawn}.  First, by recognizing, it’s not the accomplishments we make, how we look, the initials after our name, who we know, who we sleep with,  what we do, or what we have.  If that was the case, the extreme rate of suicide, addiction, bad behavior, and unhappiness amongst celebrities, athletes, and politicians would be non-existent.  Second, by simply knowing, we are a creation of the Creator and that alone makes us worthy.  We don’t have to earn it, we just need to own it and honor it. We honor it by being who we are and accepting that is not only enough, it’s fabulous. We honor it by accepting our differences as a part of what makes the stained glass window of our souls so lovely in our diversity and talents. We honor it by being honest about where we’ve been, trusting many others have been there before too, and secrets make us fearful and very sick. We honor it by stating what we need. And, we honor it, by granting the same considerations to our fellow travelers in this life.    
Eventually, you find that you are no longer willing to be, do, or accept anyone else’s definition of you.  You are no longer waiting in the wings for someone’s approval, time, attention or love.  You no longer accept unacceptable behavior.  You no longer are stuck in relationships, jobs, and out-dated beliefs that don't bring out the best in you.  It’s taken me almost a half a century to discover my self-worth.  I pray it won’t take her that long. I don’t think it will. I am now the observer watching her peel back the layers, beginning to reveal her secrets only to find out they were someone else’s secrets too, and they don’t determine whether or not she is deserving.
What a beautiful way to live. 


  1. I love this post so much. There is so much truth and goodness that comes from your words. It reminds me of C.S.Lewis' "you are what you believe you are." Thanks for sharing the wisdom :)

  2. was touched by this:))want to read more of your work:))