Saturday, August 6, 2011

The farther behind I leave the past, the closer I am to forging my own character.--- Isabelle Eberhardt

Photo courtesy of Meggie's inspirational farewell note.  May your
new journey and adventure build on the already spectacular chapters
in your life. Live the Present!  You are a blessing to all of us.

I like the idea of sending the past up in flames, ribbons of smoke spiraling skyward into the heavens and God’s hands.  The past is not mine to hold onto.  Not anymore.  It’s kept me trapped in a world of woulda, coulda, shoulda.  Instead of memories to enhance my days, it’s immobilized me and occassionally even worse, kept me walking around in circles.  Pleasant walks down memory lane, became extended pilgrimages to the land of what happened before when times were good.  I didn’t want to leave and so I stayed, while my life passed me by.  
Whether I focused on the good, or the bad, it never seemed to be in balance.  I let the good memories tell me I had so much... there would never be another as good as; my great job, my old home, a special time or a healthy, honorable, love.  These were the times I walked around in circles, consumed with my past abundance, leaving no room for all that was crying out to enter my life, if I just let it.   
Other times I spent way too long back there, trying to find answers.  Extended walks deeper and deeper into what had happened before would surely give me the answers to who and why I am who I am today.  Or, better yet, why someone behaved the way they did.  I hit the repeat button on the tapes in my head, over and over again, seeking answers to make sense of what usually ended up being nonsense, or unanswerable, because it wasn’t about me.  It was about them and the lessons they are here to learn.  
My character today is not my childhood, my losses, my hurts, my great loves.  My character today is so much larger than any of those things and is evolving beautifully.  It is through those things that I am beginning to make my own choices, becoming all that I want and am meant to be. 
Sending the past up in smoke, doesn’t mean it no longer exists. It’s just, today, I choose to reduce it to a small pile of smoldering ash. Every now and again I catch a faint whiff of smoke. Out of sight, not completely out of mind.  I have a choice to move away from those spots where the odor remains.   There is room now for forging character, peace of mind, and new adventure.  I don’t think I need to look back, or even look ahead.  There is plenty to see and experience, right here, in the Present.


  1. Becky,

    You write beautifully...don't know why I haven't visited your blog truly is outstanding...what insightful and true thoughts you shared in this post. Miss you.

  2. Here's to today. May I say your future is bright too?

  3. What a beautiful message. Sometimes I just can't get over how your mind works. You are a very wise woman and I am so lucky to know you.

    Tried to post this before, finally figured it out. You have to select a profile first. I picked anonymous, but you know who I am!