This week has flown by with little time to reflect on my immense gratitude for the gift of second chances. Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, I was reborn twenty four years ago today. This morning as I pondered on all the changes that have taken place since then, I felt a sense of delighted astonishment. I languished in bed (a Sunday morning ritual anyway) and thought about this brand new me. No doubt, a new creation, fresh.... almost innocent, kissing the earth with both feet now - Aware of all the goodness contained in life, despite a few wrenching twists and turns - Navigating those so much better with a little help from my friends rather than a little of “mother’s little helper.”
My life has changed from the inside, out. Over these past years the person I was, has become a stranger to me, slowly disappearing, one Step at a time. Every now and then, when life throws a curve ball, I see a bit of her shadow. But, then Grace kisses my heart, and reminds me who I truly am and where I came from. Those ghosts, like vampires, can’t survive that Light.
So many hurdles leaped, not effortlessly, but that too, in retrospect, has been a gift..... teaching me and building strong muscles of compassion, courage, and tenacity. So many things learned. I’ve learned to walk through doors when they’ve opened for me recognizing if they’re open, there is something inside I might benefit from or need to learn. I’ve learned to savor the moment, right where I am at, with whoever I am with, soaking up each delicious word, expression, vision and experience. I must have missed so many gems in my old life. That’s okay. I have also learned to live without regret knowing we can’t change the past and it’s all a part of the great design. I’ve learned not to get attached to outcomes and accept change as the only constant in life. I’ve learned to pray for others when I didn’t feel like it. I’ve learned to forgive is the greatest gift I can give myself. I’ve learned like anything else in life worth cultivating, it takes work maintaining relationships; with myself, others, and most of all my Creator.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned is contained in a wisdom from the Tao te Ching..... be flexible. All living things are flexible.... in motion, or flowing... like water. Things cannot remain the same and thrive. To be stiff, unbending, immovable is to die. And, I don’t want to live, dying anymore. I have a choice, it’s entirely up to me, whether I greet my days in joyful anticipation, bending and flexing, or in rigidity, regret, fear and obsession.
All of this I have learned when I started kindergarten, twenty-four years ago today...